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==> SO UGLY,
when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras
her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
she made an onion cry.
when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . . . for a quote!
she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
she looks out the window and gets arrested!
even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Ted Danson wouldn't date her!
for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
she turned Medusa to stone!
people go as her for Halloween.
she scares the roaches away.
I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow
she has to sneak up on a glass of water
==>
SO STUPID,
when it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
when it took her half an hour to make minute rice
when she threw a brick at the floor and missed
when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
when she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.
when she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
when you have to dig for her IQ!
when she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
when she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
when she could trip over a cordless phone!
when she sold her car for gasoline money!
when she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
when she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
when she took a cup to see Juice.
when she asked you "What is the number for 911"
when she got stabbed in a shoot out.
when she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
when she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
when she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
when she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
when she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
when she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
when she went to take the 6 train, she took the 3 twice.
when she jumped out the window and went up.
when she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
when she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
when she couldn't read an audio book
when it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus
when it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg
when she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper
when she went to disneyworld and saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so she went home.
when she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "guess" so she said Levi's
when she called information to get the number for 911...
==>
SO FAT,
when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
when people jog around her for exercise
when she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
when she was in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world
when she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
when she got to iron her pants on the driveway
when she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
when she steps on a talking scale and it told her to get off!!!
when she fell in love and broke it.
when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
when she's got her own area code!
when she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
when her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
when I had to take a train to get on her good side!
when she wakes up in sections!
when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
when she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
when she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
when that her senior picture had to be aerial view!
when every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
when she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
when she got hit by a parked car!
when they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
when she has to buy two airline tickets.
when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up.
when she influences the tides.
when that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
when the animals at the zoo feed her.
when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
when she stands in two time zones.
when you have to grease the door frame and hold at winkie on the other side just to get her through.
when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
when that she can't tie her own shoes.
when she sets off car alarms when she runs.
when she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!
when the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
when she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship
when to her, "light food" means under 4 tons
when she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!!!
when she was zoned for commercial development
==> SO BALD,
- you can see what's on her mind
- that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
==> HOUSE SO SMALL,
- she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
- she has to go outside to change her mind.
==> TEETH SO YELLOW,
- traffic slows down when she smiles!
- she spits butter!
- I can't believe its not butter
==> SO SKINNY,
- she has to wear a belt with spandex.
- she turned sideways and dissapeared.
==> SO NASTY,
- she made Speed Stick slow down.
- she made Right Guard turn left.
- the fishery be paying her to leave
- she has to creep up on bathwater.
- she made Sure confused.
- Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off
- she went swimming and now we have the dead sea
==>SO HAIRY,
- Bigfoot is taking her picture!
- she looks like a Chia Pet with an afro!
- she shaves with a weedwhacker
==> SO DARK,
- she went to night school and was marked absent!
- that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
- she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep her from eating her fingers.
- they made a movie of her heart transplant called "From the darkest heart of Africa"
==> SO SHORT,
- you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
- she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
- she can play handball on the curb.
- she does backflips under the bed.
- she models for trophys.
- she pole vaults with a toothpick
- she has to look down to look up
==> SO OLD,
- I told her to act her own age, and she died.
- her social security number is 1!
- that when she was in school there was no history class.
- her birth certificate says expired on it.
- she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
- her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
==> SO POOR,
- she can't afford to pay attention!
- when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers
- when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"
- she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
- your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
- her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
- she wave around a popsicle stick and calls it air-conditioning.
- burglars break in her house and leave money
